Character

Some time ago I came across the following poem in one of the books I read:

Don't walk behind me, I will not lead;
Don't walk in front of me, I will not follow;
Just walk beside me and be my friend.

These words sum up clearly and concisely the expectations of any parents if one day their young adult children are ready to leave the nest. However, before the time comes, let's ask ourselves: What have we done to prepare our children so one day they are ready to fly with their own wings? In parenting our child, most of us interact in a way that comes naturally. In other words, we are the legacy our parents and/or grandparents has left behind. However, as time has changed during the past four decades, our parenting styles also need adjustment to cope with this. We can't only depend on the past solutions we learned from older generation. As a matter of fact, we have to improve our parenting knowledge. The future is now. We are preparing our children for the future. In other words, think about the future while parenting in the present.

Now, what is the most important key our children should have? It is CHARACTER. A person's character is one's destiny. Positive character determines the inner strength. It is a strong foundation to moral functioning or integrity. The patterns children establish early in life will live out later. And character is always formed in a child's early life in strong bonding and relationship among the family and extended family members.

So, what can we do to develop a positive character in our children? There are three things we can start with:

1. RESPONSIBILITY
Our children need to know that they are responsible for themselves. Their problems are their own problems, so no one else to be blamed. We have to make them understand that they must gradually take responsibility for their own problems. What begins as the parent's burden must end up as theirs. For example, I've prepared my children to be responsible for their own study since the first grade. At the time, I only help them to gradually develop their self-learning ability. It was not easy at first. However, it was worth all the effort involved.

2. RESPECT
Have you ever been in a relationship with a friend who can't respect your boundaries? It is a tiring and difficult thing to cope, isn't it? It is our job to make our children realize that if they grow up not respecting others, their future will be in jeopardy. Children tend to be mirrors in which we see ourselves. They reflect our behavior, habits, attitudes and ways of seeing life. So before we teach our children, make sure we are respecting theirs and others.

Here are some rules:

• Don't hurt others
• Understand that we are different from each other
  
• Show respect to people around you, especially to your spouse
  
• Feel sad instead of mad when we don't get what we want

A good lesson we can teach our children is that the world doesn't belong to only them and they have to share it with others. It's okay when they don't always get what they want.

3. MOTIVATION
During Q&A (Question and Answer) session at my parenting seminar in schools, most parents complained that their children don't have enough motivation to study. How could this happen? And what can you do to help them develop good motivation?

• Fear of consequences. Thing to do: Avoid angry punishment. Don't give your child guilt and shame messages.
  
• Immature conscience. Thing to do: Avoid over-strictness or under-strictness.
• Detachment and conditional love. Thing to do: Create a supportive relationship and love unconditionally.

We know that parents play an important role in bringing up a child. Especially nowadays, our task becomes much more difficult. So, keep on improving ourselves in order to become a better parent for the children as their future depends on how we develop them now. As I do agree with what Jacqueline Kennedy said: "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."